You could be describing the dynamic between me and my partner of 20 years. At one point, she told me I was too neurotic and needed professional help. I got it, and what I learned (over a number of years) was that I needed to get the hell out of that relationship so I could learn how to be a self-sufficient and confident adult woman. The strange thing was that my ex was both shocked and surprised when I told her she was abusive. "But I never hit you," she said. Heh.
The *surprise* when you confront people like this with the word "abuse" really is something, isn't it? And I think their surprise must be genuine as far as it goes. Whatever they've done, there's something else that's "worse" and "real abuse" that they haven't done. They draw themselves a line far off in the distance and then let themselves manipulate as they please without that one thing. But it's hard to see that when you're in it, and kind of mind boggling when you're out. Anyway, I'm very very glad you got out.
You could be describing the dynamic between me and my partner of 20 years. At one point, she told me I was too neurotic and needed professional help. I got it, and what I learned (over a number of years) was that I needed to get the hell out of that relationship so I could learn how to be a self-sufficient and confident adult woman. The strange thing was that my ex was both shocked and surprised when I told her she was abusive. "But I never hit you," she said. Heh.
The *surprise* when you confront people like this with the word "abuse" really is something, isn't it? And I think their surprise must be genuine as far as it goes. Whatever they've done, there's something else that's "worse" and "real abuse" that they haven't done. They draw themselves a line far off in the distance and then let themselves manipulate as they please without that one thing. But it's hard to see that when you're in it, and kind of mind boggling when you're out. Anyway, I'm very very glad you got out.