Five thoughts about who we believe
Set fire to the attic
1.
No. No longer will I sustain The false left fist The polite refrain That we are all worthy of belief— So long as we do not stand Between a Gentleman And his Destiny. We may love the skin we’re in But if our hue Becomes the vellum Upon which the cruel hand Writes the words That define us Then what’s left for us But the attic? Thornfield Hall can get drafty in November But it is lovely in the spring. I scream some nights from the dormer window. They never hear me in the square. There, every swindling eye Rakes across the meat where flesh has been And mouths in cupid-bows Or clenched in soggy fellatio That told us to Believe Victims Have, After chewing on the ones in question, Found such bitterness harder to swallow Than a wink and stolen honey. What comfort can an attic-dweller Give to another Flayed And braver? But I do believe you. They would rather deny Their whole lives Than deny Him Another mark.
2.
There is a connection between how society refuses to hold White Men With Destinies accountable for harming others, particularly women and children, and how society refuses to accept the urgent measures necessary to redress the egregious harm those same White Men With Destinies have inflicted upon our planet.
The worst harm is always in its potential, to them and their greatness.
The actual harm that they have inflicted upon us in a thousand different ways is rarely part of the conversation, and when it is, it comes basted with doubt. Couldn’t she have asked for it? Couldn’t he have misunderstood? Could a man who writes so beautifully of the human condition have done this thing?
The victim is collateral damage. The planet is collateral damage. These white men must be our gods.
What would you have us do? they ask. Condemn the man who wrote that book? Who sang that song? Who made that movie? What are you, a monster? Are we to have no art at all, the great creators sacrificed on your puritan altar?
Incidentally, the original puritans also did not believe in the existence of marital rape. So, no, they wouldn’t sacrifice him on any altar. But they’d obligingly burn his accusers, should you ask for it, and I imagine that you would, if you could, just to shut them up.
3.
I wrote this last week about the latest White Man with Destiny and I stand by it.
I just finished listening to the podcast about the Neil Gaiman allegations. I don’t much like the term “triggered” but a lot—too much—of it resonated with me, and is still shuddering its way down my nerves, and setting off these dense layers of somatic memories. I don’t know Gaiman personally. But I do know many members of our extended SF/F community who are friends with him and have professional relationships with him. I have heard whispers about him over the years. Whispers that are far from being evidence, but combined with my own experiences of older, manipulative men, leave me absolutely no doubts about the veracity of these women’s stories.
We must have a real reckoning with the realities of abusive power dynamics in our field. No, age gaps are not by themselves evidence of abuse, but they are yellow flags, a reason to question how someone with power and fame in our industry relates to individuals with far less of it.
We have to talk about the way many men authors regard the young people (often women, but not always) in our field—fans, aspiring writers, young publishing professionals, etc.—as nubile prey to which they have earned access through literary success. Do many of these young people feel flattered by the attention? Of course! I sure as hell did when I was their age. Is that initial flattered receptiveness an invitation to abuse? Hell no, and I am including the relatively murky situations involving limited consent that characterize the Gaiman allegations.
When you have more power, you have more responsibility, not less. Slipping naked into the bath with a woman forty years your junior who started working for you a few hours before should be unconscionable behavior for any adult with the most rudimentary understanding of power dynamics.
Consent is not just about saying “yes” or “no.” It cannot be retroactively assigned because a victim of SA continues the relationship after a violent incident. Reframing a violent interaction as consensual or “complex” is a common strategy of victims of SA, particularly when they care deeply for and admire their abuser.
Consent is a context, the interaction of a series of complex, interlinked variables. When power dynamics are imbalanced, it is much harder or impossible to establish. This is why black people laugh at the idea of Sally Hemmings and Thomas (Motherfucking) Jefferson having a “great love story.” This is why I give a big side-eye to any famous author with a history of relationships with younger fans, writers, or industry professionals.
Whatever happens with Gaiman himself—and I hope that he is held accountable for his actions—I hope that these allegations can wake up the field and allow us to better protect our most vulnerable members. I’ve seen people roll their eyes and excuse a lot of shit from famous men as an inevitable part of their privileged position in the field.
It isn’t inevitable and we shouldn’t excuse it. Instead of tacitly accepting Gaiman’s apparently preferred methods of gamifying plausible deniability and technical legality, let’s demand these men no longer use their power to harm. If they want to sleep with young fans that badly, let them do all the hard work of establishing a meaningful context of consent. Anything less is just continuing a cycle of abuse in which we are all complicit.
4.
But sometimes it’s a Marginalized Man with Destiny too, isn’t it? We’re just supposed to swallow it down when one of our great saviors is hurting and hurting us, because otherwise we’ll let down the race. We’ll give fodder to white society’s racist smears. We’ll justify the abuse and mistreatment the men in our marginalized communities also receive.
But what about us, the mistreated within and without? When the hell is it our turn?
5.
The ones who least want to believe him capable of it are always the victims themselves.
Thank you for saying this. I am so dismayed at how many of our fellow genre authors are completely silent. I’ve seen Nalo, Scalzi…that’s about it.
thank you for this